I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
