Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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