Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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