Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
