I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
