I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
