oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
We need a shit load of segways right now
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
