I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
