Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
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You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize