You're completely useless in the revolution.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
