butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
you had me at cake vodka
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
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