Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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