I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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