Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
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He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
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My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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