I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
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