Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
