She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
