New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
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