Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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