Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
