if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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