Kiss
Puke
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
