I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
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