Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
