Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Randomize
