Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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