You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
