I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
