I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
