yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
