party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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