I wish I could teleport
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
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