I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
