peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Randomize
