i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
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You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
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I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
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