Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
