Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
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I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
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What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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