Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
You made out with two different species that night
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
