is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
