I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
