Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize