How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
two words: eviction party
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
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God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
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I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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