Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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