Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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