Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
as a side note pls kill me
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
