She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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