It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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