I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
