Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
