You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
