I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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