my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
