shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
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