all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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