Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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