I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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