Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
