i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Randomize
