make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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