...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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