Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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