I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
