and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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