ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
