my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
