I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
