i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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