ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
