stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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