i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
