OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
so let's talk penis.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
