Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
FUCK WHALES
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
