At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Send help, water and tortillas.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
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