if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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