Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
