On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Randomize
