So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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