I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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