hotel room ftw
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
