I love black thongs
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Jerry, you need to find god
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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